Logic of a Cat Owner

Visiting friend: Oh, I’m sorry that the childproof mechanism didn’t work out.
Mom: Sorry, what are you talking about?
V.F.: I just noticed that all wardrobe doors are open. You told me once that you installed a complicated gadget on the doors because your cats learned how to open them … The gadget was originally meant for children, but you upgraded it to cat-proofing, didn’t you?
Mom: Oh, that thing! Um…
V.F.: So the cats learned how to unlock the child-proof thing? Poor you, I remember that you were so proud of yourself!
Mom: Um…. that’s a bit complicated to explain…

Truth is that she felt sorry for us, so she never closes the doors of the wardrobe, hehehe.


I want a fish tank, not a bag of towels!

This is me on one of my favorite spots at our old place. I always checked our fish tank when Mom was doing the laundry. And yes, I was sleeping there even though the noise was loud, at least in the beginning. It always started with a warm and vibrating massage, but after an hour the noise became too heavy.

Mom made two big mistakes when signing the lease for our “new” apartment. 1. She forgot to check for squirrels! 2. We don’t have a fish tank anymore!

Bummer. Mom says that our house has a huge laundry room which she can use for free.  Our bathroom is too small for a washing machine, but apparently we don’t need one here…. Bah. What’s about me??

Mom thought she could make it up by offering me a bag full of tumble-dried towels. We didn’t have a dryer at our old place, but she had read somewhere that we cats like tumble-dried clothes. I was of course ignoring her offer. I’m a very busy and important cat, and my duties are enormous, who’s for example doing my balcony duties when I take a dryer break??

Oh, and she seriously doesn’t suggest that I cut down on my extensive litter tray sessions?

I want a fish tank. Not tumble-dried clothes. So I went to have a good nap on the book shelf after the last picture and ignored her “precious” bag.


Million Dollar Cats

Many of you know that Granny and Grandpa have a lot of stuff in their flat that they don’t like anymore. Can you imagine their cellar?! Mom did some hard work while we were in Germany and cleared their storage. She put most things on Ebay right away, but she may have found a real treasure: a box full of stamps! She got a catalogue for philatelists and took the stamps to Finland. She sometimes sits in our living room and tries to sort stamps.

We don’t really like her new hobby, because we mustn’t help her. Mom said that some stamps could be worth a lot of money; the oldest so far is from the 1880s. She claims that it’s very important to avoid any possible damage, because the value of a stamp depends on its condition.

Bah. I waited patiently for my chance to have a closer sniff. And then it happened: Mom had to use her litter box and was too lazy to put all stamps away. She had a look at me, but I was of course deeeeeeeep asleep, so she left the living room for 1 minute. Hehe.

She was not impressed with my hunting and acting skills, bah. However, we found a compromise – I may sit in this basket while she’s watching at very old paper that humans for some reason consider valuable. Humans. They never stop surprising us, don’t they?

I’m now trying to negotiate what we’ll do with the big money that will come in eventually. We heard that stamps are sold for millions of dollars! Mom says that this is very unlikely, but she hopes that one or two stamps are worth 100$. Pfft. Why are humans always so pessimistic??

(P.S. Important question: are 100$ enough for treats, a big house with garden and a giant scratching tree?? Mom says no; a normal scratching tree for 100$ is realistic. But she wants to pay bills first, so we won’t see a lot of this money. Bah.)


4:40 am

A cold Sunday morning in January. Extract from Tessa’s secret Twitter account.

4:40   I’m bored. Maybe Mom wants to play with me.
4:41   Good morning!
4:45   Helloooooooooooooo!!
4:50   Hm. She doesn’t really seem to be into playing. Let’s see what Kajsa’s doing.
4:55   Uh-oh. Kajsa didn’t want me to sniff at her. Best I run like lightning back to Mom… one last jump, ups, what a hard landing, good that she’s well-padded…
5:00   Oh, there’s nothing cozier than snuggling with Mom in bed, I’m kneading her skin with delight.
5:10   Now that’s fun: Mom started listening to relaxation exercises. Headphones are my favorite breakfast!
5:11.   Darn, she realized that I was chewing on her headphones. But now that her eyes are open, she’ll for sure get up, make breakfast and play with me.
5:20   Hello-ho? I’m waiting!
5:25   Why is she now laying on her side?? I know that she can’t fall asleep otherwise, but she sure doesn’t want to sleep anymore? I want to lay on her belly, so much cozier!
5:26   Hm. If I sit down on her head, she’ll probably turn around.
5:27   Ok, ok, calm down, human.
5:30   It’s really uncomfortable when she’s laying on her side, but it’s fun to climb on her and keep balance.
5:33   I think I’ve balanced enough now. Helloooo?
5:34   Gonna do my business in the litter tray next to the human bed. Important to scratch as loud as possible so that Kajsa knows that this is my litter box.
5:37   Hi, I’m back!!
5:40   YEAH! She finally gave up and got herself out of bed. Looking forward to a yummy breakfast!
5:50   Bummer. She only made breakfast for herself because we’ve more than enough food left. She also grumbled something about that we shouldn’t get used to the idea that she feeds us in the middle of the night?!?
5:52   Tried to steal some cheese.
6:00   Mom is laying on her back on the sofa and watching TV. She says she wants to rest a bit, and invites me to sit on her belly. Oh well, so now she remembers how warm and soft my fur is?
6:02   Yawn. Sounds like a good plan, but I’m very very tired now, so I’ll have a long nap on the shelf.
6:03   And no, I’m not afraid that I’ll fall down, and yes, I’m comfy here. I’m not as freaking inflexible as you when I’m sleeping.


Silly humans

You know when your human is coming home, looks at you and is very excited? And you don’t know what to think, because – um – anything could happen now? She may even turn your home into a farm and expect you to snuggle up in hay? And then you remember that she had been to the library? And last time she was there, she came home with a lot of books on footprints, and you thought that she wanted to help you prey? And that you had to learn the hard way that she only wanted to find out who was walking in the snow, but stuck to her vegetarian diet?

Turned out that she borrowed 3 (!) books on clicker training. Ok, to be fair, she only wants to read one, but needs to flick through the books to decide which. Haha. Good thing she doesn’t know that all books are written by the same author, but published under 3 pseudonyms. It’s of course a genius cat who wrote books for humans to make them believe that they can train cats. Oh, how we’re laughing, what a silly idea!  Humans tend to need a reason to give us cats treats, so the real author just wrote a lot of flim-flam to make both sides happy.

Some of you may remember that Mom did some “training” with us at some point, but unfortunately it never became a regular happening. We now had a break for over a year! Her New Year’s resolution was to teach us tricks (well…), so she’s eager to get started. Maybe a bit too eager, hehe.



… is Mom’s annual expense on headphones.

Oh, and if you were wondering – she did try to offer me other strings to chew on (of course under supervision; she knows it’s dangerous if we felines swallow strings), but I got only more training in chewing techniques.

Mom tries to hide all strings and thin cords, but it only takes 30 seconds of abstraction to lose the battle. Oh, and don’t worry, I’m not interested in thicker cords which are typically used for electricity.



These two pictures show the stairs at our old place. The staircase is very tight with walls on both sides and it was very difficult to move furniture. For some reason I thought that my bed would slide down the stairs if I “threw” it down. I removed the brown handrail and let the bed slide down the stairs.

Unfortunately it only got halfway. I couldn’t lift it anymore, and all my attempts to push it down made matters worse: the bed got stuck.

I was exhausted from moving, heat, quarrels and money problems. The *#$§”!** bed was stuck. I was locked on the second floor and in this very moment, I thought that I wouldn’t make it. I laid down on the floor and tried to call my friend, but I was crying so much that I couldn’t breathe. I had a very bad anxiety attack.

Two things happened while I was crying on the floor. Kajsa was sniffing at my tears, licked some of them away, sat down on my chest and started purring. Her purring always calms me down. Anxiety feels worse in my chest: like I can’t breathe anymore, that a very heavy weight is on my chest. Kajsa’s purring is vibrant and feels like a massage. I always imagine that she’s kneading anxiety away from my chest when she sits there and purrs.

I was about calming down when we both heard a sound.

Tessa was meowing and very very excited. She had been downstairs and wanted to know what’s going on upstairs – only to discover a fantastic climbing object and scratch tree in the staircase. She was so happy and excited that I just had to start laughing instead of crying.

I let her climb the bed many times until I got a saw and solved the problem. Good thing that I didn’t want to take the bed to our new place!


Recycle Scratching Boards (DIY)

Our delicate claws prefer cardboard scratching pads to sisal posts, so we require that our staff makes sure that we’ve enough cardboard boards for our daily pedicure.

Bad news is that Mom has full control over our credit cards: she’s very economical and restricts parcels from our pet supplies dealer. However, we have to admit that she came up with a great solution to make our scratching boards last longer, so we thought we might share her trick so that your humans have more money for treats and pouch food!

We’re probably not the only cats who only use parts of the pad. We usually only scratch the outer parts.

Mom “saws” our old boards with a bread knife (best saw for cardboard!) and joins unscratched pieces to a new scratching pad.

You don’t need glue to attach these pieces to each other – just squeeze them as tight as possible into a box. Ours stay in place when we scratch, but of course it’s sometimes fun to upgrade one piece to a toy.


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