You’d think that we suffered enough by seeing a veterinary dentist. Now Mom had this crazy idea to take pictures of our teeth so that she can follow up on plaque and other changes. She got her photos, but not without a fight and a number of outtakes.
Do you remember K., the Australian intruder, who stayed at our place last fall? Mom sent this picture to her, and you’ll never guess her comment: “Kajsa looks like a guinea pig!”
What? I know they’ve a lot of crazy animals down there in Straya, but how can she mix up a cat with a guinea pig? Can’t she see my dangerous fangs, indicating that I’m a predator and not a silly herbivore? Bah. Rather than commenting on European cats, she should focus on animals in her environment. Hope that some nasty spider or snake pays her house a visit anytime soon. Chances are she’ll mix them up with a birdie or maybe a kangaroo.
Uh-oh. We better hide today as our human is furious. Ironically, she doesn’t accuse us of mischief, but because we haven’t done anything ! So unfair!
Some of you may remember that we cats don’t like catnip. Mom has tried to give our plants away, but only got rid of a few. First she was upset that nobody was interested in her catnip plants, but now she got mad because a big crowd is fighting for the best plant. Human logic. Doesn’t make any sense to us?
Oh yes, hundreds of aphids have invaded our apartment and are very thankful for our human’s cat mint plants!
Mom has become a serial killer and tried many ways to get rid of plant lice. She partly succeeded, but now lost her nerves and will kill all plants instead. Aphids are big players in the advertising industry as they’ve attracted many other critters; partly their natural enemies, but also insects who like honeydew. No, it’s not raining on this picture – our windows are full of honeydew!
Mom’s now afraid that ants will invade our apartment. Did you know that ants protect aphids from their natural enemies in exchange for honeydew? Talking of natural enemies – Mom would have loved to house a bunch of ladybugs, but they somehow never made it to our place. Sigh. She’s mad. Ladybugs are also insects, but in her opinion something totally different than ants, plant lice and flies.
She’ll dry as many plants as possible and give them away to other cats. Hehe, we wonder whether she’ll advertise the plant lice thing? She says it doesn’t matter because aphids are not interested in dried plants, but who knows?
Feline friends: if you want to get a letter from us with dried catnip plants (and maybe aphids), write an email to cat(at)whenthecatisaway.com . We’re very curious if we get any requests after telling that we cats didn’t like the catnip plants, but hundreds of aphids loved them, hehehe.
She said she abandoned us because she had to take care of her godson. We thought she was talking about a human child. However, her clothes smelled very bad of male cat. We confiscated her phone to search for evidence and couldn’t believe our eyes.
Turned out she also took care of Valdo-Voldemort , her friend’s cat. Don’t get fooled by his harmless looks; oh no, we know better than that. Valdo is quite a legend and made it to our blog before Mom adopted us!
Some years ago, he lived at our human’s place while his family was on a vacation. He only stayed for a week, but did an impressive job in keeping Mom on her toes: he did not only scare her to death in the middle of the night, but also made an ever so small excursion. Mom and her friend are still wondering how this cat managed to unlock the balcony door .
While we admire his legendary mischief, we don’t like his attitude on this picture. Looks like he got himself a throne here, being very satisfied with himself, thinking that he’s the Prince of Helsinki…
Obviously, we can’t tolerate another royal family in our hometown, so we’ve to do something.
We are superstars! Mom was surprised when the Funny Farmer Felines asked us to give an interview for the magazine Mousebreath. Why was she so surprised? We’re most beautiful and clever – no wonder that major magazines are standing in line to get an interview with us!
Our human isn’t as gorgeous as we, but she sure will also become famous one day – in her own niche so to say: she’d do great on comedy and epic fail shows!
Let’s take the question How did you all come to live together? as an example. We already shared a funny misunderstanding in our interview, but there’s more to the story: the staff of our shelter had a good laugh after Mom’s first visit.
Our human is very afraid of spiders and hoped that cats, being brave predators, would exterminate all eight-legged devils. Can you believe that she actually asked the staff if they had ever seen us chasing spiders?? Now, shelters are certainly used to weird questions, but they never had someone asking for a spider executioner. Oh yes, you bet we all had a blast!
Tessa with her most evil laughter
In case you’re wondering: we are indeed interested in spiders, but we hardly ever kill them. You all know that we cats love to play with our prey. We often catch spiders, but we won’t kill them right away because we want to play with them first. However, spiders are very fast and often manage to escape alive. Bah.
It’s hard to believe, but Mom doesn’t appreciate our attempts to save her life. She says that she was better off when she knew where the spider was. Knowing that a dangerous spider is hiding somewhere in our apartment freaks her out. Humans! A really ungrateful race. Oh, and on a sidenote: there’s no toxic spiders in Finland – Mom’s hysterical for no reason.
Good news! We’ve more than one source of income! Our backyard chicks are growing nicely, but our house offers so much more: some birds are still breeding on the roof! The chicks are flapping their wings, eager and helpless at the same time. Oh, we are right underneath, and try to encourage them to take the next step!
You may remember that we live on the top floor…
Come on, little fellow, spread your wings and dare to fly for the very first time in your life! We will take good care of you!
Indeed, wonderful times ahead, I better get started to prepare myself. I know that Mom laughs about my in-or-out indecision, but Carefulness Saved The Cat! I think I’ll be on the balcony in about 1,5 hours – just about time when our visitor arrives, I think.
Thank you for your sympathies! If humans hijacked our yard, Mom would call the police. When mad gulls commit the very same crime, she says
It’s this time of the year, once the chicks fledge, their parents will have better things to do than terrorizing everybody around our house.
Wait. It makes actually total sense now when we come to think about it: Mom is in general very subservient to animals. Her diet is largely vegetarian: she normally eats meat or fish once a week, and tries to compensate that by cooking as many vegan meals as possible. Last, but not least, she’s under our paws, and her friends think that we terrorize her. Is it any wonder that she likes gulls even though they’re mad and dangerous?
That being said, it’s very frustrating that we’ve to rely on her. We’re still on a curfew because we’re too afraid to go out. So what happens when a vegan mammal tries to keep track on birds? Well, you name it: it’s a disaster.
This is the picture we showed yesterday:
But Mom took more pictures of Mr. and Mrs. Bully Gull’s offspring.
Eh? She suddenly realized that their colors were different, and now she’s confused. The colors on the photos are realistic: one of them was white and the other gray. However, the pattern on weir wings and the color on their tails are similar. They also behaved the same way: helpless; neither of them could fly nor defend themselves.
So now she doesn’t know whether both chicks of Mr. Bully Gull survived or if we’re dealing with two different species. Humans! They are so helpless without us! Can anyone help us here?
Whoever this second fellow is: he’s feeling way to comfortable in our realm! Frankly, we are very tolerant, and we’d love to host a multicultural feast. So we’ll just cope with Mom’s lacking ornithological skills and add the second chick to our menu as a surprise course.
Feline friends, this is an open invitation: come and join us for The Big Chick Feast !
Our garden has been the center of violent street gangs for over a month now. They are very aggressive, and no one dares to go to our garden. Very strong and tall men like our groundskeeper surrendered: he was too afraid to cut the grass!
So who are the gangsters of our backyard? May I introduce – Mr. and Mrs. Bully Gull *shudder*
Two chicks fell off our roof in the beginning of June. Mr. and Mrs. Bully Gull took Darwin’s law into their own claws and turned our garden into a nursery. One of them was always on parole, and oh my, they really took their duty seriously. Not only did they attack everybody around our house, but also threatened us poor cats when we were on our catio.
Mom has somehow succeeded to take a picture. She was so in love with this little fellow.
On a sidenote – I’m a very talented predator! I knew something was going to happen there! That’s me, next to the hiding spot of the chicks. I was in the right place, but unfortunately at the wrong time – about 2 days before our yard turned into a gull zone.
Since the nursery opened, it has been difficult to go out. Mr. Gull scared the bejesus out of me, and I hid for a long time under Mom’s bed after we got in. On top of all, Mom didn’t feel sorry for me!! She said she understands that Mr. and Mrs. Gull have second thoughts about me, casually walking outside and minding my own business.
Mom has checked upon the chicks whenever she got a chance. It’s nice that she’s so concerned, controlling that they thrive nicely, preparing to become the main course of our big feast!
That’s our little chick one month later, almost grown-up!
He’s now a juvenile! Mom saw that he’s training his wings, and she believes he’ll soon learn to fly. Wonderful! Best time to reap the harvest: he has grown a lot, but is still vulnerable enough to get caught!
So keep tuned, we’ll share pictures of our epic feast anytime soon!
We’ve to acknowledge that Mom has learned from her mistakes: the first thing she saw when she met the real-estate agent at our new place was a thief.
Do you remember that we didn’t have any squirrels at our old residence ?? When she saw this little fellow, she decided immediately that she’d do her very best to get this apartment. Indeed, we’ve trained her so well that she would have signed the lease on the backyard without even looking at the apartment!
We’re sorry for the poor quality, but Mom didn’t want to frighten Mr. Squirrel away before he got to meet us. A wise strategy which really paid off – look who welcomed us when our moving van arrived! Bad luck that we were in our transportation boxes, though.
Now it’s important to praise humans every now and then because praise keeps servants motivated and happy – that’s at least what most leadership courses will tell you. So Kajsa followed the books when she got really excited to see our new neighbor climbing on the fire escape ladder next to our balcony.
Can you imagine that Mom didn’t open the balcony door?? She said we can go out after she has cat-proofed the balcony. Bummer. These business school rules about praising inferiors are clearly not working, and frankly, we cats have known this for centuries!
Dear feline friends, what’s the best reaction to anything humans do for us? Exactly. Ignoring any human effort is a worldwide well-known and very successful feline approach to absolute power.