Visiting friend: Oh, I’m sorry that the childproof mechanism didn’t work out.
Mom: Sorry, what are you talking about?
V.F.: I just noticed that all wardrobe doors are open. You told me once that you installed a complicated gadget on the doors because your cats learned how to open them … The gadget was originally meant for children, but you upgraded it to cat-proofing, didn’t you?
Mom: Oh, that thing! Um…
V.F.: So the cats learned how to unlock the child-proof thing? Poor you, I remember that you were so proud of yourself!
Mom: Um…. that’s a bit complicated to explain…
Truth is that she felt sorry for us, so she never closes the doors of the wardrobe, hehehe.
Many of you know that Granny and Grandpa have a lot of stuff in their flat that they don’t like anymore. Can you imagine their cellar?! Mom did some hard work while we were in Germany and cleared their storage. She put most things on Ebay right away, but she may have found a real treasure: a box full of stamps! She got a catalogue for philatelists and took the stamps to Finland. She sometimes sits in our living room and tries to sort stamps.
We don’t really like her new hobby, because we mustn’t help her. Mom said that some stamps could be worth a lot of money; the oldest so far is from the 1880s. She claims that it’s very important to avoid any possible damage, because the value of a stamp depends on its condition.
Bah. I waited patiently for my chance to have a closer sniff. And then it happened: Mom had to use her litter box and was too lazy to put all stamps away. She had a look at me, but I was of course deeeeeeeep asleep, so she left the living room for 1 minute. Hehe.
She was not impressed with my hunting and acting skills, bah. However, we found a compromise – I may sit in this basket while she’s watching at very old paper that humans for some reason consider valuable. Humans. They never stop surprising us, don’t they?
I’m now trying to negotiate what we’ll do with the big money that will come in eventually. We heard that stamps are sold for millions of dollars! Mom says that this is very unlikely, but she hopes that one or two stamps are worth 100$. Pfft. Why are humans always so pessimistic??
(P.S. Important question: are 100$ enough for treats, a big house with garden and a giant scratching tree?? Mom says no; a normal scratching tree for 100$ is realistic. But she wants to pay bills first, so we won’t see a lot of this money. Bah.)
A cold Sunday morning in January. Extract from Tessa’s secret Twitter account.
4:40 I’m bored. Maybe Mom wants to play with me. 4:41 Good morning! 4:45 Helloooooooooooooo!! 4:50 Hm. She doesn’t really seem to be into playing. Let’s see what Kajsa’s doing. 4:55 Uh-oh. Kajsa didn’t want me to sniff at her. Best I run like lightning back to Mom… one last jump, ups, what a hard landing, good that she’s well-padded… 5:00 Oh, there’s nothing cozier than snuggling with Mom in bed, I’m kneading her skin with delight. 5:10 Now that’s fun: Mom started listening to relaxation exercises. Headphones are my favorite breakfast! 5:11. Darn, she realized that I was chewing on her headphones. But now that her eyes are open, she’ll for sure get up, make breakfast and play with me. 5:20 Hello-ho? I’m waiting! 5:25 Why is she now laying on her side?? I know that she can’t fall asleep otherwise, but she sure doesn’t want to sleep anymore? I want to lay on her belly, so much cozier! 5:26 Hm. If I sit down on her head, she’ll probably turn around. 5:27 Ok, ok, calm down, human. 5:30 It’s really uncomfortable when she’s laying on her side, but it’s fun to climb on her and keep balance. 5:33 I think I’ve balanced enough now. Helloooo? 5:34 Gonna do my business in the litter tray next to the human bed. Important to scratch as loud as possible so that Kajsa knows that this is my litter box. 5:37 Hi, I’m back!! 5:40 YEAH! She finally gave up and got herself out of bed. Looking forward to a yummy breakfast! 5:50 Bummer. She only made breakfast for herself because we’ve more than enough food left. She also grumbled something about that we shouldn’t get used to the idea that she feeds us in the middle of the night?!? 5:52 Tried to steal some cheese. 6:00 Mom is laying on her back on the sofa and watching TV. She says she wants to rest a bit, and invites me to sit on her belly. Oh well, so now she remembers how warm and soft my fur is? 6:02 Yawn. Sounds like a good plan, but I’m very very tired now, so I’ll have a long nap on the shelf.
6:03 And no, I’m not afraid that I’ll fall down, and yes, I’m comfy here. I’m not as freaking inflexible as you when I’m sleeping.
Oh, and if you were wondering – she did try to offer me other strings to chew on (of course under supervision; she knows it’s dangerous if we felines swallow strings), but I got only more training in chewing techniques.
Mom tries to hide all strings and thin cords, but it only takes 30 seconds of abstraction to lose the battle. Oh, and don’t worry, I’m not interested in thicker cords which are typically used for electricity.
Do you remember that Granny and Mom had a weird competition about whose side of the double bed I prefer? They believe that I nap on the bed of my favorite person, and both try to attract me with various tricks.
Turned out, however, that they don’t always want my attention. Neither of them appreciates for example my 5 am visits. Granny even grumbled “Take care of your scheiss cat”, and tried to pass me over. Bah. Nevertheless, I made sure that both were part of my epic furball. I had already yakked the main part on Mom’s duvet when I remembered poor Granny – I didn’t want her to feel overlooked, so I placed the aftermath on her blanket.
Feline friends, I don’t want to spoil the ending. What do you think? Did Mom and Granny appreciate my endeavor to meet their demand for equality?
You think you’re looking at a peaceful setting: a cat with an impressive belly, a cozy armchair, a proper home… ?
Think again – we’re actually in the middle of a domestic quarrel! You see, Mom wanted to prevent me and Kajsa from scratching the armchair, but Granny said that we’re allowed to scratch it! So I was just innocently enjoying my chair when Grandpa came to the living room. He saw me scratching, chased me away, and asked Mom why she didn’t even try to stop me.
Turns out that Granny hates this armchair, but Grandpa loves the chair although he never sits in it. In fact, it’s only Kajsa and me who are using the armchair, but Grandpa still insists on keeping it. Sneaky-Granny saw her chance when Kajsa and I visited their place for the first time – if we destroyed the chair, she’d finally get rid of it.
Oh yes, yesterday’s letters were indeed interesting! Mom fell in love with a postcard from Granny, and tried to get a cheesy picture of me.
When you’re in trouble, I’ll be there for you
She was so very satisfied with this perfect picture: such a sweet caring tender darling cat! You probably already guessed that I was only sniffing at the card to see if it was something to play with, and oh, you bet it was!
Mom tried to rescue her precious card from me, and blamed me for destroying the moment. Let’s put it that way – in the opposite to her, I read the card properly, and she suddenly realized her mistake. The card actually says:
Whenever you need trouble, I’ll be there for you.
Hehe. Granny has 4 children, 4 grandchildren and Kajsa and me, so she definitely knows much more about life than our romantic-silly Mom.
Mom is such a nerd and keeps all receipts. Once a month, she goes through them to see whether she kept her budget and how she could improve her economy. I think she shouldn’t calculate “feline expenses”, but unfortunately, she has a budget for “everything and everyone”. Bah. I want more treats, more food, more toys and an enormous cat tree, so I prevented her from looking at the receipts.
Now that’s better. Let’s see what these letters contain – she may read some of them.
Thank you for all your compliments! Mom’s very flattered, which is great for us, because it’ll hopefully motivate her to build more furniture for us. Nevertheless, we’re a normal feline household. No amount of fancy ladders will change our 3 most favorite spots:
3. Mom’s pillow / blanket / spot on the sofa as soon as she gets up.
2. Mom’s lap when she’s doing her needs.
and of course, Number 1:
Oh, and yes, sorry Mom, those are far more popular than your belly or lap outside the bathroom.